I just noticed that the tumblr icon looks different, and when I opened the app to investigate, I also realized it has been a really long time since I’ve been here. This app has seen me through a lot of bullshit over the years, and has led me to some cool people. I kind of grew up here, used this space as my rage room while I was still figuring myself out, what I wanted - and arguably more importantly, what I didn’t want. I still don’t 100% have it figured out, but I’m more sure than I’ve ever been, and that feels good. I’m not rich in money, but I’m truly rich in love, mutual respect, and trust. It’s incredible how much your life can change when you have those things. Even though it’s been a challenge, I’ll have my PhD in about 2 ½ years, and I owe so much to my partner’s unwavering devotion to supporting me, hyping me up, and genuinely just being the best person possible for me. A few years ago while hiking in the redwoods I had a thought: “if feeling deep sadness is possible, feeling exhilarating happiness is also possible”. I try to remind myself of that often - because it gives me hope. Building my hope back up was a journey that made me feel uncomfortably vulnerable, but god, it’s been worth it. So this was a long, winding, sort of philosophical retrospective/update on my life. I have no clue who’s still here, but if any of y'all from the old days stumble upon this, I hope you’re doing well. I hope that things are going your way.
So this program (aside from not sleeping well, always needing to be in three places at once doing 5 different things in each place, and constantly trying to quash feelings of inferiority) is going ok, I think.
Ended the second week of my first quarter of my PhD program and I’m starting to explore the possibility that I might have unresolved trauma with academia. However, my current advisor is one of the KINDEST people I have ever met in my entire life, so I think I am in the right environment to heal.
im takin back the word friendzone it mean at ya homie house!!!!
My bf left for a three-hour drive to work sleepy af and he’ll be late and I am terrified because he looked so exhausted when he left. I can’t go back to sleep now. I need him to be ok.
My Raynaud’s is TRULY acting up tonight. I am ICE COLD wtf.
Have no idea when or how I got hacked, but sorry if you got tagged by my account. I’ve been offline mostly, usually trying to navigate some kind of moral/existential panic. Life’s been weird and hard at times.
